Two things: We often hear people say 'Mwili ni maua' and until we've lived it we cannot understand. For the past months I have been unwell. I have recorded several posts but been unable to transcribe. I should podcast instead, yeah?
Secondly, Christmas is here. 😊 I meant almost here. I looove Christmas: new clothes and overeating does it for me.
Now that I feel better, shall we?
The thing about being damaged is that when you are damaged at a young age, you carry it until you are old. Sometimes too old to change it. But you really can't help it, you're damaged from your core outwards and it's not your fault. Someone made sure they hurt you badly and scarred you for life.
You become a person who never finds happiness in whatever they do and whatever you touch becomes damaged and your repertoire becomes that of a destroyer.
The people who damage you keep thriving and even get tagged as heroes while you sit there trying to imagine what you would do if you could change back the hands of time. You realize such futility gets you only so far, so what do you do alternatively?
Recollect your thoughts and emotions. Try and stand up for yourself and say "I got this and I refuse to be damaged again." And for two weeks you are fine until a trigger comes knocking. Could be a person, thing, flash of memory, or word and you're back to zero. 😢
To you who is damaged out there, I get it. Being damaged is a cycle. You could be a GBV victim, rape survivor, war refugee or an adult who grew up in parental toxicity. It is going to be okay, not soon but it will.
The first step to becoming better is accepting you are damaged. If you can, seek guidance or counselling to facilitate your better days. If you are too scared to seek counselling, put your energy into a hobby instead of letting that pent up negative energy destroy you more. Hang in there.
To you who is not damaged, please shut up and stop judging. Lucky you who's never had something bad happen to you. Be a support system and make the cycle of damaged goods bearable.