Feeling like half of my world is falling apart
And as it disintegrates, it hurts so painfully yet slowly
I ask myself a myriad of questions
However only one seems to stick out. "What the actual heck!"
I have come to a realization, albeit a late one
A realization that was edged at the back of my mind
Because, who really wants to face daunting truths?
Truths that shame you instantly or break bonds of mutual trust?
Who doesn't want to hold on to a hope that illuminates the darkness within their hearts?
Or hold on to a lie that makes life bearable?
A lie that is speeding off to an unknown place
Is it all futile? All these efforts to keep manners and morals in check?
To keep my sanity.
Was it all for show?
Maybe I should have been more careful
Probably have taken pre-meditated steps
"Watch Yourself!" Those are the words I should have told myself.
Heck! I should have set an hourly reminder on my phone.
But I did not. I blindly and gladly fell into a trap.
A labyrinth of sorts. Oh! I think I have been here before. The exit must be elsewhere.
But I keep putting myself in the same state over and over again.
All for what? For pain to edge it's way into my soul?
In the end I coil back to the reality of what is yet to unfold.
A future that felt so far away, is just at arms length.
I fall back and wait for my half world to disappear into the thin air,
And then as I am……
I will look for those pieces knowing very well I can never find them and if I do, I will start from the top all over again.
Hurting and healing till my heart is bruised and scarred, till my being is shamed and sad.
Someone please get me a straight jacket! I need to keep my sanity.