I am a Kept Woman
This week has been a weird week; I have been meeting weird men with weird behaviors. And I feel that men will be the topic of this week. So I am sitting there in my business premises and this man walks in and asks for my husband. I tell him he is not around and ask if I may assist him and he just gives me a big NO. I tell him it is okay and ask him to leave the message with me. Before he does it, he continues to tell me that it will be hard to understand. And mimi ni nani, nikajifanya sielewi and he had to repeat it twice and even write it down for me. He left and I tore the paper and decided that since he thought and expressed openly that I was dumb, that dumb people do dumb stuff. Some men are so scared that… no scratch that. 90% of men are scared that women will get their wings and fly. Rarely will you find a man who will teach you how to fly and be happy when you can fly better than him. I however, agree that these kinds of men exist. Men can be selfish to say the least. I know of a woman who wakes up at 5:30am to go get mandazis for her husband. I know you are thinking that this is a lie but it is the truth, I would say this in a court of law. Here is how she tells it and it usually starts with her telling me, “Na leo umeamka mapema.” I tell her, “Kukuliko na izo mandazi zako?” “Aki usinicheke. Unajua naamkanga 5:30 nikapangie mandazi line.” Me while laughing, “Na kwani huwezi buy mandazi place ingine?” “Ghai! Bwanangu anajuanga difference ya hizo mandazi. Nilijaribu once karibu anichape kofi.” “Juu ya mandazi?” “mmhhh!” I almost say ‘…haaa na mayengs’ but instead I ask, “Na 5:30 unaenda na nani?” “So nikiamka 5:30 huwa naenda kususu then navaa gumboots na kijacket juu ya baridi. Then naenda nachungulia kwa balcony nione watu wakitembea so nashuka stairs mbio nakimbia nyuma yao.” “Na wewe ni mtough. Alafu?” “Naenda Napata mtu wa mandazi akiwasha moto, anazipika then by 6:30 nimerudi kwa nyumba. Napeana morning glory then napolish viatu za job.” “Na mna nguvu!”
To myself, I probably do not know what marriage is if people are waking up at 5:30 in the morning to make their marriages work or keep their wheat-addicted husbands happy and full. This other woman told me that since her husband is out for work for weeks, when he comes home there is a buffet for him. But he still isn’t ever satisfied because her buffet is not as good as the one served in weddings. Na hii rate amebaki tu kubuy chaffing dishes for the personal use because her husband has to be happy as the groom on his wedding day. Nie maa maundu maya!!! I think that men are just humans like us and mwanaumme umleavyo ndivyo azoeavyo. So if you want to wake up and go line up for mandazi mwitu uko mtaani or buy chaffing dishes then do it. Whatever blows your skirt up missy. This weekend ni ya feasting so I will be remembering my readers as I eat to my fill.

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