And I Thought I Could Have It All

Iused to think that I could have it all as a woman. As a little girl I always told myself that I would be a super woman when I grew up and went by the mantra ‘What a man can do a woman can do better but God had other plans for me or rather He installed different brains for men and women.

Culture dictates that a woman should cook, clean and take care of the home, husband and children. Culture did not give room for a woman to get a masters, have a successful career and/or business and still be a good wife and mother. A woman will delay getting married or having children to first concentrate on her career ad business and the society will still judge her saying that she is missing out or that she is not worthy of any man. If the business is thriving and the career successful, it will be worse. People, especially women (WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?) will say it is because a man was there to assist and sexual favors were involved. So what if men are involved in her success? Is it YOUR MAN OR MONEY sponsoring her success? It is already hard for a woman to simply exist as a woman, so do not make it harder. It is even harder for a woman to be a wife, mother and still go to work. You do not even have time to do anything else apart from those three. You get home late from work and everyone believes you are not giving your husband enough time, so he will eventually cheat. Your kids do some mischievous thing in the estate and everyone is saying their mother never raised them well because she is married to her job. You get to work late and nobody will understand that your 6-month old baby was fussy and clingy and you could not get out of the house early. It is a vicious cycle of being a woman that you wish the whale that swallowed Jonah would do the same to you and spit you on some exotic island just to get your mind off the crazies. Because women are more of givers than receivers, you may decide to quit your job and concentrate on being a mother and wife and there will still be people who will call that stupid move. I know this because when I became a stay-at-home mum the negativity I got was too much. Them: Aki utanona juu najua kazi itakuwa tu kukula na kulala? Me: Eats a cake while she elaborates her point more. Na vile mtu yuparara akiwa housewife! First of all you have never been a girlfriend so shut up and go sit over there with your wrongness. Mimi siwezi imagine nikiomba mwanaume pesa ya kuenda salon. Rolls eyes and justwalks away because I just cannot! Kucha zitavunjika juu ya kushinda ukifua manguo! Sinanga kucha za kuvunjika. Ebu nipeleke tukabuy sabuni ya kufua. I am a human washing machine and my nails won’t stop me So here I am running the family, fixing and driving things to the direction they ought to go and I decide I want to run a business. Let me sigh because the exhaustion I get is unmatched. I psyche myself up saying that I will be the best they have ever seen. That I will be such an inspiration, people will die to be me.
I center all my energy on everything else and I forget about myself. I barely have time to breathe in and breathe out like we used to do during P.E.  I cave in to all the pressure and at some point I realize that it is not even worth it. In a nutshell motherhood is crazy. Add a career or business to that equation and it gets harder. I have decided to take time to breathe and return to blogging because I do not want to be that woman who cannot have her mind right. This was written as my 3-year old was crying in her sleep and I could not leave her side because she had held on to my collar so tightly.  On top of that I had to leave the house clean… or not and go hustle for my business. As a woman I now know that I cannot have it all but at least before I die I will have tasted the best parts of motherhood, a happy marriage, a successful career, a thriving business, a body to die for, good skin, vacations fit for a queen and a family that stays together. They do not all have to come at once but they will eventually come one by one. I have faith and mine can rearrange planets not just move mountains.

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